Hello
Welcome
Are you comfortable?
Can I get you a water?
Iced tea?
No? Good.
Lets begin.
Rule One: Stop
thinking.
You work too hard.
You deserve a break.
Take your shoes off. Put your feet up. Let those argyle toe-mittens
breath.
There you go, now isn’t that better?
Rule Two: Take it
all in.
What’s around you?
It’s pretty nice, isn’t it?
Oh, hello ground, when did you get there?
Now imagine you’re on beach.
Think about the waves lapping the shore.
Feel the warm sand between your toes.
Are you doing it?
Can you imagine it?
WELL CUT IT THE FUCK OUT!
WHAT WAS THE FIRST GODDAM RULE?
STOP THINKING YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
Rule Three: Turn
off.
That’s right, its quitting time.
You’ve been doing your best to make no impact on this world.
You don’t read.
You don’t go anywhere.
You don’t create anything.
You wake up every morning and drag your waste-of-a-space
body to work.
A taupe cubicle and a lone cat poster.
And every day you want to say, “Fuck you cat. I do not want
to ‘Hang In There’”
But you don’t because you are a pussy.
A tepid. Stagnant. Pussy.
And the really depressing thing is you’re content with your
life
I mean, god forbid you go out and experience anything.
Add some variety
Some worth.
Nope.
If it’s not within arm’s reach, it’s not worth the effort.
So lets shut ‘er down.
Trust us you’re better off gone.
End of tape.
Please continue on side B.
