Poem #2

I still hate poetry. Here is another attempt.

Hello

Welcome

Are you comfortable?

Can I get you a water?

Iced tea?

No? Good.

Lets begin.

Rule One: Stop thinking.

You work too hard.

You deserve a break.

Take your shoes off. Put your feet up. Let those argyle toe-mittens breath.

There you go, now isn’t that better?

Rule Two: Take it all in.

What’s around you?

It’s pretty nice, isn’t it?

Oh, hello ground, when did you get there?

Now imagine you’re on beach.

Think about the waves lapping the shore.

Feel the warm sand between your toes.

Are you doing it?

Can you imagine it?

WELL CUT IT THE FUCK OUT!

WHAT WAS THE FIRST GODDAM RULE?

STOP THINKING YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

Rule Three: Turn off.

That’s right, its quitting time.

You’ve been doing your best to make no impact on this world.

You don’t read.

You don’t go anywhere.

You don’t create anything.

You wake up every morning and drag your waste-of-a-space body to work.

A taupe cubicle and a lone cat poster.

And every day you want to say, “Fuck you cat. I do not want to ‘Hang In There’”

But you don’t because you are a pussy.

A tepid. Stagnant. Pussy.

And the really depressing thing is you’re content with your life

I mean, god forbid you go out and experience anything.

Add some variety

Some worth.

Nope.

If it’s not within arm’s reach, it’s not worth the effort.

So lets shut ‘er down.

Trust us you’re better off gone.

End of tape.

Please continue on side B.

Order & Confusion: A Poem

I absolutely hate poetry. This is a poem.




There was a 
dull, 
potent, 
gnawing ache in the pit of my stomach. 
I was scared. 
There are few things in life I know I can trust 
whole heartedly, 
and at the top of that very short list is my Mind. 
My Mind.
But my Mind, 
my own conscience had abandoned me. 
The usual organized 
                    stacks 
                       of 
                          thoughts 
                             and 
                                facts 
were being blown around.
All clarity was lost.

What's your favorite type of movie?

When people ask me what my favorite type of movie, I always get a bit sheepish. I love documentaries, but I donʼt love that I love documentaries. When I think of someone who says they like documentaries, a picture of a pretentious "film-student" comes to mind. Someone who wears a sports coat with elbow pads over a faded Beatles tee shirt. Hipsters, would-be intellectuals, Starbucks-philosophers. This is not a group of people I would readily associate myself with, but I canʼt help it. I love them. They seem so much more relevant than scripted films. Itʼs the same philosophy I have about books. Iʼd much rather read non-fiction over fiction. Why just be entertained when you can be entertained and learn at the same time. Now donʼt get me wrong. I love scripted films and fictional novels, but real life will almost always be more interesting than anything that you make up. Writers work their entire lives to capture and be able to reproduce believable characters and situations, but they can only come close. As we delve deeper into my love of documentaries, we come to my favorite sub-genre: travel documentaries.

I have a serious case of wanderlust. When I was a kid, we didnʼt have a whole lot of money. Because of that, we didnʼt go on “vacations”. Instead, we camped. We lived in San Jose, CA at the time, so we camped all up and down the west coast. Since then, I have loved traveling the country, backpacking and camping wherever I can. When I watch these travel docs, I get a taste of that feeling I get when I travel. Actually, it mostly just fuels the fire. One documentary that always puts me in a traveling mood is 10mph. Itʼs a full length documentary entirely available on Youtube. The concept of the film is simple. A crew of filmmakers take a transcontinental trip from Oregon to Maine... on a Segway. As a future filmmaker, this type of movie would be a dream to work on. Everyday, waking up in a new city. Having to overcome all of the problems we encounter along the way. Dealing with crew member conflict. The key to this film is in itʼs simplicity. There is enough of a framing devise to keep the story consistent, but itʼs not so distracting as to over shadow the interactions and story arc of the filmmakers themselves.

A couple of summers ago, I went on the quintessential road trip. 3 of my friends and I loaded up a van and took off to explore the West. We werenʼt exactly sure where we were going, where we wanted to end up, or even how long weʼd be gone. We wanted to just see where the wind took us. Well, three weeks later, the wind had taken us from Indianapolis to St. Louis, down Route 66, to the Grand Canyon, into Las Vegas, over to Los Angeles, up Californiaʼs coastal highway, into San Francisco, around Crater Lake, through Yellow Stone, to Chicago, and finally back home. If only I had filmed the experience. Then, someone could live vicariously through us.

Movie Posters!

Here are some posters for my upcoming documentary, Me & My Shadow. Check out our Facebook page here.


http://www.facebook.com/MeAndMyShadowFilm

Today My Hand...

Today my hand
washed my body
opened a bottle
opened a door
wrote some words
drew a picture
illustrated a point
fiddled nervously
got dirty
messaged out an oncoming migraine


I haven't slept for three days. I am exhausted. My body has been twitching, trying to keep my mind awake. I first noticed it in my hands. I watched my fingers flicker and dance in mid-air, seemingly of their own accord. I cracked my knuckles to try and ease the tension. It hurt, but as I felt the tension build back up, I cracked them again on impulse. I have that gross morning breath taste in my mouth which is odd, because I brushed my teeth. The lingering tast of the pomegranate flavored energy shot probably isn't helping.

Me & My Shadow: A Documentary

I've been working on a documentary over the last couple months called Me & My Shadow. This documentary chronicles two students (one of them being me) as they make their way from Muncie, Indiana, to Ottowa, Ontario, Canada, all the while handcuffed to each other. The film not only portrays their hijinks while connected, but also how their relationship grows (or withers) due to the stressful and unusual 24/7 contact between friends.

Below is a link to our IndieGoGo page. Please consider donating to help get this project off the ground.

A letter to the blank page.

I hate the blank page. You, I guess. I hate you. I love creating things, but so many things have already been created that I feel like I'm just recreating. It's parody. Don't get me wrong, I like parody. It's fun. It's effective. It's comfortable, almost formulaic, but it's cheap. I wish, for once, that I was the one being parodied. I want someone to find my work so original that they want to breathe new life into it. So now, blank page, if you're staring at me expectantly, like a dog who knows it's time for supper, but I have nothing to feed you. But unlike that dog, you won't starve. You'll continue to stare. You are persistent. So, I apologize. I don't hate you. I'm intimidated by you, but don't worry. Soon I'll be able to fill you with new, exciting ideas, and until then, you'll have to snack on some parody.

Humans doing animals . . . it's not what you're thinking.

I've started a new youtube channel. It's a series of videos where humans reenact funny/famous animal videos. Here are the first couple of episodes. There should be more to come.

Mythical Mash-Up

Here's a design I did for kicks and giggles. It doesn't have any political agenda, and it isn't trying to be artistic or profound, I just like both of these people. I call it "Teddy Vader".

I'm a college student . . . don't judge me.

So, I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. I've been super busy what with classes, and a job, and, probably more than anything else, I've been in rehearsals for a show I'm doing. On top of all of that, there are a hundred other things keeping me from my beloved laptop. Anyway, here's a poster mock-up that I did for my script cover. If you happen to be near Muncie, IN the last weekend of March, or the first weekend of April, come check out Ball State University's production of Little Shop of Horrors. It's going to be great. 

If you're interested in coming, check it out here on the Faceook page!

Shameless Self Promotion

I spent the last few months filming a web-series that a couple of my buddies were writing/producing. The series follows Charlie Cain (me) as his lady skilled friends Matt, Ray, and Alex try to help him improve his game with the opposite sex. As they prepare for the big weekend party Charlie is put through the ringer in order to prep. Well, last Monday, the first episode finally premiered. It'll come out in 5 episodes, one a week. So, watch it.



Ep. 1 "Listen Charlie" from Rejected Show on Vimeo.


You can watch a new episode every Monday at www.rejectedshow.com. 

If you can read this . . .

I spent my freshman year of college at the prestigious Ivy Tech, a community college based out of Indianapolis, Indiana. It's a magical establishment where dreams go to die. During orientation, the 50 or so people in the in-coming freshman class were all herded into a large room by a defeated looking woman in a green Ivy Tech polo. Let me give you a brief break down of the demographics. The students all varied in age from fresh out of high school to those who had obviously been run through the mill, and one man who may have actually died during the orientation. I'm fairly certain I was the only one there without tattoos; all the women had tramp-stamps and the men had various women's names on their exposed biceps. At least half of the women were pregnant, and I counted at least 9 exposed weapons . . . I can only imagine how many were concealed.


They were a motley crew, but they were my classmates. I spent the next year interacting with some of the most interesting personalities I could never imagine. They were caricatures of themselves. One instance stands out brightly in my memory. I was in my American History class which covered Jamestown to the Industrial Revolution. It was taught by Mr. Lawson, an ex-drill instructor who treated his students thusly. One day, as he was lecturing on the presidency of Thomas Jefferson, he said, "... and many people believe the president had several illegitimate children with his slave, Sally Hemings." I didn't think much of the statement, having read about it before, but one student, an African-American girl sitting in the second row, seemed unhappy with what had just been said. Her hand shot up, but she didn't wait to be called on. "Hold up," she interrupted, "Professor, are you saying just because they black, they can't read?"


This was just one story in a collection of philistine tales, each varying in absurdity, and, though I am thankful to who have moved on from that institute, it's those moments that I look back on. People work their whole lives for the "better", a better car, a better house, a better job, but they remember the "worse". It's those episodes that give life character. That awful paisley wallpaper if your first apartment. The way you had to pour hot water on your car door to get it open in the winter. That summer you worked as a dancing slice of pizza at the state fair. Those are the things you remember, the things you tell stories about. People need to stop trying to legitimize their lives with perfection. It's the imperfections that make life truly literate.




p.s. I tried to make this one a podcast. If it ends up working, I'll continue doing so every now and again. If it doesn't work, I'll go back and delete this post script and you'll be none the wiser.


To listen to or to download the audio, go here:
http://www.box.net/shared/337uph1tki

Bit o' Wisdom

These are a collection of old tweets, facebook statuses, or thoughts that just happened to pass through my head:

• "Milk Shake" and "Milk Snake" look the same from a distance. BE CAREFUL.

• For those interested, I'll be appearing live at the Marsh Grocery Store on Wheeling tonight. I'll be performing such hits as "Paper or Plastic?", "Would You Like Cash Back?", and *Beep*.

• What time is it? Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus time!

• Just watched the new TRON LEGACY. The CG Jeff Bridges looked more life-like than the real thing.

• I've come to realize that "tu-tu" is not only a daring fashion choice, it's also a very short poem.

• As thankful as the Russian community maybe, I believe "burst" is a more prevalent word then "borscht". Thank you cellphone auto-correct!

• Just when I thought nobody cared about me anymore, I got an email from a Nigerian Prince. Can you believe it? A real prince! Things are looking up.

• Next time you find some money on the ground or in the pocket of your jacket, top of your gas tank and visit all those places you saw signs for and thought "I should go there someday."

• I feel like Yahtzee would be a lot harder if you threw a D20 into the works. (Yup. A nerd joke.)

• Alright folks, listen up! "Alot" is not a word, there is a difference between "your" and "you're", and when in doubt, don't use a semicolon because you're probably using it incorrectly.

• Happy Birthday Uncle Walt! Sorry I didn't get you anything, I couldn't find anything antisemitic enough.

• Right justify is underrated.

• Walking through a modern art museum is like being on Chatroullete, you can pretty much go in expecting to see a penis.

• It annoys me when people like their own posts on facebook. It's like they're saying, "You know what, I don't care that I just wrote this, I'm awesome!"

• "IHOP: Come hungry, Leave whishing you hadn't eaten at IHOP."

• I have been known to whip my hair back and forth on occasion.

• If I see that someone is really good at drawing horses, I automatically label them as the type of person who is really good at drawing horses. Anyone who understands what I'm talking about knows how very specific and descriptive a label that is. Trust me, you don't want to be good at drawing horses.

• 1 d0|\|7 r34LL'/ U|\|D3R574|\|D \/\/|-|'/ p30PL3 U53 L337. 175 50 |-|4RD 70 r34D!

• It's a little sad that I've begun regulary checking IMDB.com for the sole purpose of finding out which celebrity died that day.

• There are two ways to look at comedy; whether or not the joke is funny, or whether of not it is performed/constructed correctly. A joke does not necessarily require both, but I believe that great comedy is a combination of the two.

• I would feel awful if I hit a squirrel in my car, but I'm conflicted as to how I'd I feel if I hit one on my bike... a little accomplished?

• Experienced one of those classic TV/Film moments where a car drives by in the rain and water comically splashes in my face. It wasn't funny.

• Just went to the library and checked out a book on historical lanterns. Wanted to do some light reading.

• Anyone play that game where you see how long you keep your eyes closed while you’re driving? . . . yeah, me neither . . .

I prefer their earlier work . . .

Yeah, I mean, whatever. I was into him way before he was big.